Pissed...Confused...And will never understand...

I feel that most of what I write about these days is just all sad and terrible. I am like the nightly news that only focuses on the negative things in life. Unfortunately it does not stop; at least not today.

I am very angry. Thursday morning a close family friend of mine who was only 19 was found on the side of the road at 4:30am. Dead. Shot in the chest. By another teen. Over a girl from what we know so far.

This boy was a good kid. He endured an unstable childhood of being bounced around from one family to another but was making something of himself. I saw him like a nephew. He would come down during the summer and holidays from Yorktown to go to church camp, and earn a little money from me, MLG's dad, and other family members. He was a skateboarder that I gave a hard time about his long hair, lip piercing, and his girl friend. He looked rugged, but had a heart of gold.

So why am I not only sad? It is because I do not understand how someone has the faculties to do what was done. I do not understand how a person can be so messed up to come up with these ideas. I do not understand how a person can hurt a person physically this way. I barely understand how someone hurts someone deliberately emotionally.

Fore warned...the next part is graphic.

A friend of mine in Yorktown over heard a lady telling someone what the murderer told her that night, but the police have not confirmed this story since the investigation is ongoing. He was beaten. His teeth were knocked out. He was drug behind a vehicle for a mile or so. Then he was shot in the chest and dumped on the side of the road.

I am pissed that his life was ended at such a young age, that just last year this month I was at his high school graduation. I am pissed that his mother and brother are having to go through this. I am pissed that I have to figure out a way to explain to My Little Girl, who loved him so much and looks fwd to him staying with us, that he is no longer here. I am pissed that the murderer was not raised better. I am pissed that I will never ever really understand why or how even though I will know facts.

I am glad that they have already caught the murderer, that he has confessed, that he led the police to the gun, and that his bail is set at $400,000. But I am pissed that I question my initial thoughts on the death penalty. Because I and everyone else that knew and love him hurt, I want this stupid boy to hurt too. I want him to feel the pain that he felt. But I am pissed that then this boy's innocent family would hurt, too.

I am also pissed that I am scared of what the world is coming to and that MLG is growing up in it. How do I protect her from people like this? That simply because you go to dinner with a group of friends and a particular person is present, you kill them because of jealousy. How can I control this?

So now instead of understanding, rest in peace Matt. We love you and are going to miss you!!!